Most coaches show up to their first paying session completely backwards. They over-prepare their content and under-prepare the experience. The client walks away thinking “that was all right,” and all right never gets you raving fans, referrals, or return clients.

Zander Fryer learned this the hard way with his first client, a guy named Adam who paid him $3K. It was a mess at the start. Adam wasn’t getting results, so Zander owned it, got on the phone, and pivoted. That’s where he figured out what it actually takes to create transformation in a first coaching session. Here are the three lessons.

The 3 things that blow new clients away

  • Drive transformation, not information: change beliefs and behavior, because AI can hand out information for free.
  • Question more, talk less: make the session about their problem, not your methodology.
  • Show up at a 10: your energy sets the ceiling for the whole call.

Lesson 1: Transformation beats information

Information is being devalued every day, so the coach who only delivers content is replaceable. Google and AI can hand your client all the information they need for free. What they can’t do is create true behavior change and results. There are three ways to do that:

  • The brain-gasm: behavior is driven by beliefs, so shift beliefs with stories, not more data. Tell a client “people who pay, pay attention” and it’s just information. Tell them about Courtney, who coached for 13 years at $300 a client with people who didn’t show up or do the homework, then raised her price to $3,000 and made five times any month before while those clients got her best results ever, and the belief actually shifts.
  • Un-numb the problem: people don’t change until they’re too uncomfortable to stay where they are. Your client will hit rock bottom at some point. Better to hit it with you holding their hand than alone where it ruins them. Don’t be afraid to show them what their problem is actually costing them.
  • Drive action: give prescriptive next steps and hold them accountable. Use personal accountability (get on their case if they don’t do it), social accountability (have them post it so the group can judge), and paid accountability (have them put money on the line, like paying $20 to everyone who comments if they don’t follow through).

Lesson 2: Question more, talk less

Your clients don’t care about your methodology, they care about their problems and their outcomes. New coaches feel like they need to prove how smart they are, so they make the first session about their systems, frameworks, and credentials.

Picture walking into a doctor’s office and the doctor opens by telling you how hard their degree was and why they do things their way. You’d sit there thinking they’re an egotistical prick. Don’t run your coaching call like that. Instead, understand their real problem, how long it’s been going on, and how they got here. Then share what you heard back to them in their own words. This is Socratic dialogue. When a client hears their own situation described in their own language, they stop seeing you as a possible solution and start seeing you as the solution.

Lesson 3: Show up at a 10 and bring the velvet hammer

Your energy decides the success of the session, because of the law of the lid. If you show up at a 10 out of 10, your client shows up at an eight. If you show up at a seven, they show up at a four or five, and you’ll never transform anyone sitting at a four or five.

Zander has his coaching team do three things before every single call:

  • The magic minute: visualize the call before it starts. Close your eyes, picture sitting across from the client like they’re family, and imagine them ending the session saying “this is exactly what I needed.”
  • Come from service, not self: use the affirmation “It’s not about me. It never was and it never will be.” The moment your focus turns from yourself to them, the anxious overthinking disappears and you show up at a 10.
  • The velvet hammer: be soft where you need to be but firm where it counts. Too soft and you never challenge them. Too hard without support and they quit. Real transformation comes from the balance of push and support.

Frequently asked questions

How do you run a great first coaching session?

Lead with transformation, not information. Break the client’s mental paradigm with a story, un-numb their problem so they feel what it’s costing them, lead with genuine care by listening more than you talk, and show up at a 10 out of 10 with the right balance of push and support.

Why is energy so important in a coaching session?

Because of the law of the lid. Your client mirrors your energy and shows up a notch or two below you. If you bring a seven, they bring a four or five, and you can’t create real change at that level. Show up at a 10 and they meet you near the top.

What is the velvet hammer in coaching?

The velvet hammer is being soft where you need to be but firm where it counts. Push without enough support and clients quit. Support without enough push and they feel good but never move. The balance of the two is what actually changes behavior.

Don’t have clients to coach yet? Get the full system Zander has used to help over 1,400 coaches build full-time businesses. Work with us here.